Best known as the most obscure bassist in jazz history, Eiliv Bolstad died in Oslo yesterday. Or perhaps the day before yesterday; possibly even the day before that.

Best known for his presence on Anthony Braxton’s seminal 1970 solo saxophone recording  “For Alto,” Bolstad was mourned by Brooklyn New York natives and jazz aficionados Benjamin Levine, and Mark Goldberg.  Mr. Levine and Mr. Goldberg who have lived next door to each other since early childhood, and continue to do so in respective basements, plan to commemorate Mr. Bolstad’s life by playing all the recordings Mr. Bolstad played on, or rumored to have play on.

Mr. Bolstad is documented in studio logs as recording in the adjoining studio at the time of Braxton’s “Alto” sessions. “I believe Eiliv sat in on some of Braxton’s  “Alto” sessions,” recalled Mr. Levine. Pressed to authenticate, Mr. Goldberg added, “ Well, no, he didn’t play, but he did sit in.  That he influenced these recordings there is no doubt.”

Asked to comment, Mr. Braxton stated he had never heard of Mr. Bolstad.

Collectors Levine and Goldberg argue over who first introduced Mr. Bolstad to whom. Also being contested in New York State Appellate Court is ownership of Mr. Bolstad’s only solo album, which at press time was not able to be located by either party.  Mr. Levine claims it was traded for a recording by stride legend Willie “The Lion”Smith.  While Mr. Goldberg insists he would not have traded it under any circumstances

Research has not proved the existence of any recording by Mr. Bolstad.

Meanwhile the litigation continues.

In an accident, that almost parallels the tragedy of Jan and Dean’s classic “Dead Man’s Curve,” a priceless collection of classic rock gold records ranging from Steve Miller’s “Fly Like and Eagle,” to Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Sweet Home Alabama,” was lost en route to Cleveland’s Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Driving from Cincinnati’s classic rock station WKROC (the “W” is silent) to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland, DJ Ronnie “Classic Rock” Revival lost control of his 1966 GTO while looking through his case of classic rock 8-tracks.

As Rock and Roll fate would have it, Mr. Revival was driving on Cleveland’s famed Dead Man’s curve on the Memorial Shoreway, just minutes away from the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Ironically, the classic GTO was propelled through a billboard advertising   Mr. Revival’s donation of gold records to the Hall of Fame, resulting in the fiery demise of both Mr. Revival and his prized collection of gold discs.

The classic collection contained only “the hits,” as Mr. Revival proudly proclaimed.  “None of this “new music” for me, Mr. Revival was quoted as saying at the peak of the Punk Rock Movement,  “If I don’t know the song, it’s not worth hearing”.

In tribute to Mr. Revival, Hall of Fame director Howard Kramer has commissioned an ageing classic rock super-group to eulogize the tragedy by re-recording the Righteous Brothers song “Rock and Roll Heaven, amending the verse to include the story of DJ Ronnie and the gold record’s classic rock ending. Leading the chorus of classic rock semi-retired non-recording artists will include surviving Righteous Brother, Bill Medley, along with Grace Slick, Billy Squier, Edgar Winter, The Doobie Brothers and the surviving members of Lynyrd Skynyrd and The Grateful Dead.

“DJ Ronnie will never hear these songs again,” lamented Mr. Kramer, We grew up with these songs and will never ever outgrow them.”  “I know Ronnie is looking down on us from Classic Rock Heaven,” Mr. Kramer said with a sigh.

Having finally broken-down under the enumerable inquires of, “Whaz-up? And “ Howz-it-goin?” College Administrative Assistant Margaret Haefeli responded with a blanket email addressed to the entire campus stating her new “don’t ask don’t tell” policy regarding how she wished to be addressed in the future:

Thank you, but I, Ms. Haefeli, no longer care to hear inquiries regarding how I might be, or what I might be doing at any given moment.

I feel that how I might be doing might be a rather lengthy and complicated reply, and what I am doing to be very uninteresting. To those of you inquiring to my wellbeing rushing past my desk while not breaking stride, I will, in the future, feign not hearing. To same: you may not understand the subtle nuances of my administrative discomfort even if provided a detailed confessional, so I will politely refrain from wasting our valuable office time.

I feel that how I am–and I am often unsure myself—is in short: my own damn business.

Thank you for you time. I won’t ask if you won’t.

Best,

Margaret Haefeli